haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize