1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
