I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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