she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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