WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
