you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
