I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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