We're facebook friends in real life
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
