Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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