my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
