I think my vagina is haunted
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I would fuck him just for his dog
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize