its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
