I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
