I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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