I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize