Sober January is a disaster.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
