"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
