yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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