He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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