got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
