why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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