she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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