he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
