we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just high enough for therapy.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
