i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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