it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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