I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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