Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
