im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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