Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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