I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
