I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
