apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize