You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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