it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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