update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
