My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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