you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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