I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
