Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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