worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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