Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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