dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
