there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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