it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
