He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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