clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
