you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
