We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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