I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
