4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize