you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
