Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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