Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
