No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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