oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
