I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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