Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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