let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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