My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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