I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
