he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
