Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
