Christians are straight up FREAKS
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize