You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
